Estoy Sola

7pm. Cafe.

Wow. That happened fast.
I came to Buenos Aires alone.
I made friends, I made family.
I learned a lot of Spanish.
I saw a lot of places and tried a lot of new things.
I fell in love.

Then I said goodbye.
To everything and everyone.




La Famila de Amor.


On Saturday I journeyed 21 hours north on a bus to a place called Salta. I journeyed alone.
Heartbroken.

Although I realize how incredibly fortunate I am to be able to have the opportunity to travel, this is a transitioning point in my life. I had a home and a circle of support. People to love and love me back. I was comfortable, I was happy. Truly truly happy.

While I know I am beginning to embark on a grand adventure of my life, I´m hurting. It is so not my style to talk about anything less than exciting and wholesomely good things but... the dark side is just as valid as the light. The two go hand in hand and balance eachother out. If I did not allow myself to fall deeply in love with the people and places in BsAs, this would be a much easier transition to make.

I wholeheartedly accept the pain and challenges that greet me now. They are well worth the deeply pleasurable times I had. To embrace the light for all it is, we must have the dark to compare it to.

Kahlil Gibran forms these emotions into words with perfection:

"When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love."
-The Prophet

In the hills of Salta.

While my initial desire was to hold on with all my might, I know the best thing to do is appreciate all that was and move on. Be open to all that will be. If we are meant to meet again, we shall. Soul´s that meet once and create so much good are bound to meet again.

I feel now more than ever that it is our responsibility as individuals to nurture our own spirits. Learn all we are meant to learn and love without restriction. We each have our own path we are walking. We meet different people along the way and share the same road for a while- people we are meant to teach and learn from. And we meet them at the perfect time, for the perfect reasons.

What a joy it is to share life with another?! Embrace the beauty our world offers and share in the many delights together. Those whom we meet, although different, serve as the greatest mirrors to ourselves. We grow with another and learn all the more about ourselves. Different people inspire different sides of our own self to live and breathe in that environment which is made.

What is the "self" anyways? Does a one true me "self" exist? If so where? And how do I define it?
Is it in my personality, beliefs, values? Is it in my physical being, my mind, or my heart?
Who is this "self"? And if it can be pinponinted- is the "self" not in constant evolution?

Having left a life I loved, I enter this new world. It can be anything I make it to be. And it will be incredible. I have the power and ability to lead my life in the way I wish. What a true priviledge.

Never before have I been alone. Truely entirely alone. After being surrounded by an influx of love and light- this aloneness does not compare. Two different things- I know it is not fair to compare. I thrive when I have someone to love and someone to love me too. I think we all do. The trick is, I love myself. And for this I know the love never dies and I will be just fine. I will be more than fine actually. I just need some adjusting time...

One month.
The "plan" as follows:
I have one month of travel time with Kyria. I will spend a week in Salta (beautiful northern argentina).
Then I am going to Florianópolis- an island off the Southern coast of Brazil. Back to being an island girl for a while in the state of Santa Catarina (sound familiar?). After my reunion with the deep blue sea, I will volunteer as a wwoofer for a couple of weeks at a yoga retreat/farm in the outskirts of Rio.
Not much to complain about, I know. I am blessed.

For now, I am using the full moon and my monthly extra dosage of hormones to help me justify my heightened emotions.  With time and consciousness, all things clear up and the wounds heal. In all reality, I am so so so grateful for the incredible journey I´ve had and the incredible journey that lays ahead.

My natural reaction was to shut off from the world. I "knew" there was no one like the people I had just left anywhere within a 1000 mile radius. I realize while this may be a natural reaction, it is not true. If I open my heart and my hands, the possibilites are endless. I have to first invite Love if I want the possibilty of it RSVPing.




Love in the Streets of Salta.


A beautiful family joined in Buenos Aires- a truly unique blend of gifts and hearts. A circle of friends that learned so much from each other and shared so much together. I send each and every one of them so much love and light! As I send YOU love and light too :)

A perfect time was shared.
Change is good and healthy.
A new opportunity for growth and learning.
I know I am a strong independent woman completely capable of navigating my way around the globe- and having fun while I do so. So CHEERS to a new beginning. Once again I have been reminded just how quickly the time goes... The importance of BEING present and spreading the LOVE and LIGHT always- is as true now as it ever was. 

I just feel kinda lonely right now...The funny thing is I know I am so so loved. I have an army of people that love and care about me, and for that I am forever grateful. I must rememner that just because I am alone geographically, does not make me alone in reality. Plus, there are people all around that have every ability to become my new best friend! Well... maybe not my new best friend, but definitely people whom I could share tea and smiles with.

In a low point today I ate chocolate cake that was left over from some person some where. It laid so innocently on the counter of the kitchen in the hostel I had no control over my hands as they reached forward searching for comfort and pleasure. Not the solution.

The road is long and winding.

Good plan of action:
I realized I needed to care for myself a bit better than reckless wild chocolate cake eating woman, so I took myself for a walk. Glorious city of Salta. For hours I conversed with the low open streets, the foggy misty morning air, the love notes of graffitti on the walls, and the leaves hanging below the sky line. I bought some avocados from a man on the street and ate one like an apple for lunch. A little boy smiled at me as he walked by and then turned around to smile again, knowing somewhere inside that his smile made my day- so seconds were much appreciated.

Life. Up and down and all around.
All is good.


.................. 
9pm. Hostel.

Ok. So talk about change of perspective.

I HAVE BEEN REBORN!!!

Everything I wrote up till this point was, well lets face it... so SAD! Ughh. I do not like to be sad, nor do I like to write about being sad. I know energies are contagious so and I want mine to be worth catching so... I MADE A CHANGE!

I did this...

The "Mayah Doo"
and thank you Tahnee too!

Honestly I woke up this morning thinking, "This is it. This is the time. I should shave my head." I know extreme. I clearly didn´t get that far, half way :) I have had the desire to shave my head for sometime now, challenge myself and societies definition of being "a woman" as well as challenging my own thoughts of "beauty." Who knows, maybe a bare head is in the future but for now.... SHORT is in!

I thought about it all day and every time I saw my reflection I said "Yes, I´m cutting my hair tonight." I walked past a number of hair salons, but thats not the same- I wanted to do it. So I did.

Writings on the wall.

I got back to the hostel, asked the front desk to borrow the scissors, walked to the bathroom, put my hair in a pony tail and clip-clip-clip one cut straight across (well... it didn´t turn out that straight. Let´s say it has a little flair) and voilá!

Done! New hair! As I cut I said "I love you I love you I love you..." And I do! I love it!
So bizarre. It is just hair. Right? But I feel completely re-energized, like a literal WEIGHT is lifted off my shoulders (my head really is lighter now) I AM HAPPY! REALLY REALLY HAPPY!

I ran around the hostel and giggled. So silly.

A change mentally was in order, so a change physically helped move the mindset right along. And here I am. Kyria is back in action! And with a new look.

Once I got my attitude back in optimistic-light giving-love spreading-world, life started to brighten up. Go figure. I talked to Omar (super cool guy at front desk) and he hooked me up with this ALL DAY excursion tomorrow: horseback riding at a nearby ranch in the beautiful hills of Salta with a huge vegetarian asado and transportation all included for a nice sweet small price of 75 USD. Three other chicas are going from the hostel too---hello new friends! And... two super cute girls from Germany joined me in my room tonight! Last night I was all alone in this 6 person dorm room- probably for the best- I wanted to be alone then but now... I´m all open to friends! Bring it on!

Love is everywhere
if you open your eyes.

Alrighty, if it isn´t apparent by the shear increase in !!!exclamation marks!!! I am feeling much better now. Thanks for riding the wild train of ups and downs with me. Let´s stay high on life for a while.


Muchisimas gracias pacha mama.